remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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