he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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