So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize