I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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