I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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