I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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