did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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