I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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