Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize