Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize