It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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