To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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