I wish you could order shots online.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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