I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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