Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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