im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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