I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize