I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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