I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
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I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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