I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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