I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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