She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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