In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize