those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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