So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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