were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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