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If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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