I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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