Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize