three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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