I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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