last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
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mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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