After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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