Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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