the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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