well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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