I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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