For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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