The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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