he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
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Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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