Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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