i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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