Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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