Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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