Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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