please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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