please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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