you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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