You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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