Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.

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(415): thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america. http://tfl.nu/loag

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(941): View more from Florida

For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.

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(941): For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around. http://tfl.nu/txv7

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

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(405): If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over. http://tfl.nu/i8gt

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(917): View more from New York City

so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center

(1-917): View more from New York City

you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth

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(917): so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center (1-917): you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth http://tfl.nu/ukvm

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(440): View more from Ohio

my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?

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(440): my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that? http://tfl.nu/nj0k

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(651): View more from Minnesota

She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.

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(651): She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three. http://tfl.nu/b36h

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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

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(406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.

(347): View more from New York

Something to remember me by.

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(832): I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet. (347): Something to remember me by. http://tfl.nu/ual5

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(361): View more from Texas

Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.

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(361): Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin. http://tfl.nu/3skp

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack

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(217): I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack http://tfl.nu/dmpk

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.

(1-704): View more from North Carolina

I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.

(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, you are the most awesome.

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(704): She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket. (1-704): I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court. (704): Dude, you are the most awesome. http://tfl.nu/z7ku

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?

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(+44): you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck? http://tfl.nu/szfq

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(804): View more from Virginia

I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?

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(804): I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT? http://tfl.nu/e21q

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(515): View more from Iowa

Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story

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(515): Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story http://tfl.nu/kctl

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(480): View more from Arizona

"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"

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(480): "The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!" http://tfl.nu/bdi6

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